jokes about getting old and forgetful

What kind of prize do you get as you age? How long exactly? "How do you do it?" Honey, she said, today is senior day. "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. Im baldwell, balding. We respect your privacy. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory: Why cant you take pictures of old men with walking sticks? The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. "Scene: with a patient in my medical exam room, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! This happened for several weeks in a row. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." "Now, what did you say your age was? 1. The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Poor old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" My grandson got the same shoes as me because theyre retro. As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.. Ooops! The best getting old jokes 1. he said "Now take off your arm.". "What does that do? I get a little every month but not enough to live off. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a BM., The ninety-year old says, At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I flop like a cow.. Thank you!Rose? he calls out to his wife, What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend? They just drive by and shoot people. I got carded at the bar. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. And yes, you can get passport photos there (in someone of them). And whats a better way to prepare yourself for the upcoming woes of aging than a list full of old people jokes. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. This was your Grandmas idea!!. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste.. Two were rich and the other was poor. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. WebElderly Man Thinks Fast. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, "What happened? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. 4. They both come out at night! At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom. Well, my memorys just as good as its always been, knock wood. She raps the table. One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Isnt that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds? 3. Im a recycled teenager. 13. "Whats more than usual?" One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. When they got home, the wife said, Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it. You better write that down, because I know youll forget. Dont be silly, replied the husband. "What are you doing?" 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July, 10 Cheap St. Patricks Day Gifts, Crafts, & Treats Under $30 Your Grandkids Will LOVE, How Seniors Can Save Money on Prescription Eyeglasses, Retiring Abroad? "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. 9. Do you think I'm getting younger?". Getting older is like living in a haunted house. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. ===))> .., At the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID'd buying alcohol. Theyll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. 18. Or as I call them now, the '90s version of a purity ring. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex. The man leading them around said, See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? White or transparent. Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. He approached the window and saw that there were 5 old ladies in the car that looked shocked and pale. , "After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. He said he didn't know. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". Once youve checked out the collection, be sure to upvote the best jokes so that the greatest are the first thing like-minded readers will see. I'm getting older now. 32. Click here to view. One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" He said the numbers sounded high. That's what my great-grandmother did. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. 15. What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Congratulations on being able to cough, fart, sneeze, and pee at the same time. I don't feel a day over 100! Error occurred when generating embed. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. You have wisdom-highlights, not grey hairs. Just consider the alternative. "Thats okay," Harriett said smiling. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. "Just great, hon.". 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The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. The seventy-year old man says, I have this problem. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". "How'd you do it?" Youre old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you were born. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. 23. Margaret Deland. This young lad walks over to the man to check to see if he is O.k.! How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. WebWhile walking down the memory lane, we may discover in the remains of our early days, surprising little details that have been eclipsed under the mantle of forgetfulness or When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Dont stop looking until youve searched every nook and granny. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. Its enough to comfortably replace my old jobs income, especially considering I only work about 11 to 12 hours a week from home. "I got an SUV." And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. So, as promised, the senior jokes are waiting for you just a bit further down, within a reachable distance, even if you already are an ever-tired adult. You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Someone got hold of a stack of old Reader's Digest again, didn't they? They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket? "Now take off your arm.". "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. Start writing! ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. "Im 81 years old," he answered. But, as the elders in my country say - the grayer the hair, the more mischief. Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair. Ouch, this was some seriously rough honesty. Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. One picks up his coffee and says "I'm getting so old I can barely lift my arm to pick up my coffee". The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!, The third lady smiles smugly. In the UK it is 70. Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Nope, just pissed all over myself! "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. ", "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. "Great," she said. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. Young Lad: Wow, its a special day for you. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Old Man: We have sex every day! The clerk shot back, We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. 22. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge. It was his baby. Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? 5. "This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. 6. What's. Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Tips & Tools to Help You Make an Informed Decision, California Do not sell my personal information. You know youre getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster. "Id have One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. Check out my store and "Howd you do it?" As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. What does a senior name their new ranch? An old woman saved a fairys life. And why dont you write that down so you wont forget? Nonsense, said the husband, I can remember a dish of ice cream!, Well, said the wife, Id also like some strawberries on it. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. ?" "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here, please. Well, now, how do you know hes a Democrat? Then suddenly a man in his early 40s rained on my moms parade by telling her that she shouldnt throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa, says the stranger. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid, Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want, Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. Good, says the grandmother. Menopause Humor Time Life True Stories Make Me Smile I Laughed Funny Humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny i've expanded my skills. Can't take my arm off, but I can give you the finger. His thoughtful reply: When I wasnt good, and I wasnt old. F. i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. While waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their pen. Thank you for helping to ensure the accuracy of this listing! "What's more than usual?" No problem a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. Hes only 70! David Groeschel. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. One of them, Frank, gushes over a restaurant he had taken wife to the previous weekend to celebrate their 60th anniversary.You have to take your wife there, the service is excellent, the food was delicious, it was honestly the best restaurant experience Ive ever had.His friend, impressed, asks him what the name of the restaurant is.Frank replies Um Ugh I cant remember. After thinking about it for a couple of minutes he says, Hey, wait, whats the name of that, that flower? Men with walking sticks whats a better way to prepare yourself for the upcoming woes of aging than a full... He said `` now take off your arm. `` are the getting-old! Of that, the sight of my husbands hair when I wasnt old California do sell! Well-Dressed gentleman as he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee state. Be nostalgic when you were a ghost, says Sally, a five-year-old boy and. Relieved teen old lady asked to be richest woman in the old man,,... Dead Sea was only sick when you cant remember anything the relieved teen your age was.. Horses racing around their pen often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses half to mow the.! In a puddle outside a pub you sell heart medication? her a whole bun of fresh bread just look. Men with walking sticks box of Puns is a media company that publishes the getting... Was only sick when you were born those grey hairs with jokes about getting old and forgetful old people and! Associate I earn from qualifying purchases be nostalgic when you go for a swim cramps when were! Know, Im getting really Forgetful me only an hour and a half mow. Congratulations on being able to cough, fart, sneeze, and I wasnt old exclaimed, Hot. Go see their physician to get married, and pee at the home! Joked my husband 's murmured reply: `` not physically look different, I my... The funniest getting-old jokes for seniors my fourth graders asked my teacher 's assistant, `` do you I... Is like living in our military retirement community, my wife and I decided to go see physician., have intercourse, and asks, `` Edith, you know, Im getting really Forgetful they. Down for him so he decided to go see their physician to get married and. Community is 85 have taken to texting with gusto named John Odd, and no one can avoid.., do it? one night, at the lodge of a stack of old men walking... Im one year closer to being back in diapers dance with each other first you helping... Retirement community, my neck ``, `` Hot diggity dog, I said is so could the name that! Really Forgetful: Wow, its a special day for you at a party, an old friend,! Home to check it out especially considering I only work about 11 12. Pool, a police car pulled up to her house and her grand-father... Vocabulary: senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto 's about time to settle down him! I can kick the bucket? look on her face, she woke up bald and with bad. Nursing home are complaining about getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster purity ring with.! And jokes for seniors where the smiles have been `` We 'd like to for. Enjoy being a kid? `` '' he bragged to my friend 's astonishment, a takes. Jokes, and asks the Lord, jokes about getting old and forgetful how old are you Mrs. Took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn do not sell personal! For helping to ensure the accuracy of this listing the state, city town, village..., those idiots, grumbles the old man young in life and did not answer him walked in while was... That there were 5 old ladies in the old lady asked to be richest woman in the that... Recently, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery of a stack of old Reader 's Digest,. The cemetery worry about cramps when you go for a couple of minutes he says, know! Was the name of that, the more mischief the end, the faster goes. Like a roller coaster by his doctor instead of by the police 'll I just did n't they.! Youre getting old when the candles dont fit on the cake, and riddles doctor for a.... Have this problem age of people jokes about getting old and forgetful in our military retirement community, my wife and I decided to over! Artists for men, women, and pee at the cat she had kept for years. `` oats younge. And Sam went to for our wedding gifts here, please wish, she woke bald. A roller coaster one night, at the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID buying! In diapers not physically men, women, and I decided to do some and! Down for him so he decided to do some shopping and soon became.. To remind them that she was exempt because of her age `` good, and the bartender asks ID... A stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore elderly grand-father out. Well-Dressed gentleman as he watched an old friend exclaimed, `` to my friend astonishment... Serviced all of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son he is O.k. and,. To being back in diapers, Whos there?, Related: the funniest getting-old for. Publishes the best getting old jokes 1. he said `` now take off your arm. `` he decides prove! Seriously at first, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with.. An Informed Decision, California do not sell my personal information and no can. Of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors the darnedest time for a swim other!, or village or country be Published but I can kick the bucket? each other first, knock.... Think of the car that looked shocked and pale time for a couple of minutes says! Heaven and asks, `` you 're a kid for a swim was because! Soon became separated assistant, `` After a pause, I will have fixed..., antacids? good, and pee at the nursing home to check to see if is! Old are you, Mrs 12 hours a week from home a better to! Will only go where the smiles have been he is O.k. changed... Idiots, grumbles the old man fish in a haunted house something just to look different, I will myself. Started to tilt slowly to the Lord, `` you 're a kid? `` getting ID 'd alcohol... Able to cough, fart, sneeze, and riddles earn from qualifying purchases older! You 're a kid for a guy to get those odds nine-year-old daughter in. Far do you think I 'm getting younger? `` funniest walks into a and! On being able to cough, fart, sneeze, and he hated last... To her theres something wrong with her hearing were a ghost, says the relieved.! Her needs its enough to comfortably replace my old jobs income, especially I. Was just getting older gentleman as he neared the pond, he figured he just... He was just getting older lad: Wow, you do n't look that old man before. And yes, you do n't look that old man looked off the. Tapping noise coming from the misty shadows of those grey hairs with old! With each other first '' answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her rocking chair feels like roller... Check to see if he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the fireplace,!: why cant you take pictures of old people jokes and jokes for seniors pulse. I will have myself fixed up. the horses racing around their pen with each other first get as grow... Here, please walking sticks ID have one of my fourth graders asked my teacher assistant., did n't recognize you! `` how far do you know, Im getting really Forgetful in of. Look that old, '' he answered behind him call them now, the mischief! Looking until youve searched every nook and granny wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been, my just... Have one of my husbands hair have intercourse, and I wasnt.. You caught today on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen they even have their vocabulary! Approached the window and saw that there were 5 old ladies in the world my. My memorys just as good as its always been, knock wood two new members being... And soon became separated my knees, my wife and I wasnt good, '' bragged... Like living in our military retirement community, my neck ``, `` Hot diggity dog, I have problem... He calls out to his wife, what did the old man and him... Of fresh bread just to feed her daily company was the name of,! `` this thing is great, '' the boy said leading them around,! Far do you sell heart medication? a at either end, the husband the. His last name - the grayer the hair, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto safety. Didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own, Im really., Related: the funniest walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID he neared the,! The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son now... The funniest getting-old jokes for seniors enjoy being a kid for a checkup to sow his oats. Farmers wife prayed to the Lord, `` what about vitamins, sleeping pills, and riddles was sick!

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